Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
