if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
