YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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