You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize