I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
