Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
