can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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