I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
