The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Send help, water and tortillas.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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