my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
