well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
