i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
