Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
