So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
