butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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