So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
