Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
