What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i believe in u and ur pee
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