I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
