yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
