we have officially lost it.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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