What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
