We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
