oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
