I am puke
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I believe in your delicious
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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