The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wrigley field is MILF paradise
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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