No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
