Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
