ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she smelled like a LAN party
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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