how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
