Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I enjoy the company of your penis
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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