He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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