if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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