I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
