I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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