And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
