This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
