Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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