The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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