They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this will be a night to untag.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
