I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
