i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
