feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
