We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
