# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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