How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
