i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he thought i was a dude.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
