I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can Purell be used as lube?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
