Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
