i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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