Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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