do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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