I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
