then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
