I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
