I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
