my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She even gives head with a lisp.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
