i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
