at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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